1. ABRAHAM LINCOLN
Abraham Lincoln was not the most attractive presidents but he was in a sense, almost fascinatingly ugly. During a debate, Lincoln was accused by his more hostile opponent of being two-faced. Lincoln managed to accomplish what few men have done before, he defended himself without insulting the other man, and even poked fun at a flaw of his all in the same sentence. Lincoln calmly turned to the crowd and said:
“If I had two faces, do you think I’d be wearing this one?
2. MOZART
A young man began a correspondence with Mozart, and the following was exchanged:
Q: “Herr Mozart, I am thinking of writing symphonies. Can you give me any suggestions as to how to get started.”
A: “A symphony is a very complex musical form, perhaps you should begin with some simple lieder and work your way up to a symphony.”
Q: “But Herr Mozart, you were writing symphonies when you were 8 years old.”
A: “But I never asked anybody how.”
3. OSCAR WILDE
Lewis Morris (on being overlooked for the poet laureateship): It is a conspiracy against me – a conspiracy of silence. What should I do?
Oscar Wilde: Join it!
4. GENERAL PETER COSGROVE
“FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL COSGROVE: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and
shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?
GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the
rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL COSGROVE: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle
discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL COSGROVE: Well, Ma’am, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?
5. VOLTAIRE
Voltaire was discussing an acquaintance with a friend, praising him lavishly. The friend then told Voltaire that, unfortunately, the acquaintance had spoken disparagingly of Voltaire and his work.
The pithy reply: “Perhaps we are both mistaken.”
(The above was compiled with help from our friends at toptenz.net. Thanks!!)
INVESTIGATIVE TIP OF THE WEEK:
Accompanying a witness statement should be an INTERVIEW INTAKE SHEET, containing at least following:
CLIENT
FILE # /REFERENCE
DATE OF INTERVIEW
TIME OF INTERVIEW
WITNESS NAME
HOME ADDRESS
HOME PHONE NUMBER
CELL PHONE NUMBER
WITNESS DESCRIPTION:
- Sex
- Age
- DOB
- SSN
- D/L # (State Issued, Exp. Date)
- Height
- Weight
- Hair Color
- Eye Color
- Mustache
- Beard
- Eyeglasses
- Other
EVALUATION (COOPERATIVE/HOSTILE; KNOWLEDGEABLE/MINIMUM RECALL…)
ADDRESS WHERE INTERVIEWED
NOTES SECTION
(Advice: For the investigator/attorney conducting the interview: Use a bit of discretion. You don’t necessarily need to ask a person his/her weight or the nature of physical characteristic, i.e. involuntary eye twich, limb loss…)
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As always, stay safe.
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Filed under: Humor, witness, witness statement Tagged: | abraham lincoln, comebacks, cosgrove, form, funny, interview, mozart, voltaire, witness statement
