Label: The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents.
Product: W.H. Collins’ Vanishing Fabric Markers
(You just know that someone kited a check and in an effort to minimize responsibility, tried to sue to blame the manufacturer.)
Label: Do not use while sleeping. (See above pic.)
Product: Vidal Sassoon hair dryer
(Look at the people around you; at work and at personal functions. We all have that one person that we can easily visualize getting caught up in this situation. Let’s not all stare at the blondes first.) A true story on this subject: http://bit.ly/yw4jqM
Label: May cause drowsiness.
Product: Ambien sleeping pills.
(Hey, the defense worked for Congressman Michael Kennedy [yes, of the...] while driving around under the influence of Ambien. The elevated blood alcohol level was also resultant from the pill’s hypnotic (clinical, not as in some hack in a magician’s cape) effect. )
Label: This product is not intended for use as a dental drill.
Product: Dremel Multipro’s rotary tools.
(This must have been an interesting customer service moment.)
Label: This product moves when used.
Product: Razor scooter
(Someone tried to use it as a cane and the obvious broken hip occurred. Perhaps it’s just me, it usually is, but I presume that wheeled-objects will at some point, move.)
Label (on website): Do not eat.
Product: Apple‘s iPod shuffle.
(Apple being cute. If someone did or does attempt to eat an iPod, s/he has much larger psychological issues to deal with than we can delve into on this post.)
Label: Do not use near power lines.
Product: Toilet Plunger
(I can’t envision a single scenario wherein these two items, a toilet plunger and a power line, could intersect.)
Label: Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Product: Loreal Hair Coloring.
(Some teenie tiara seeker’s Mom left the catwalk strolling tyke alone for a few minutes, hmmm?)
Label: Not Dishwasher Safe
Product: RCA Television Remote Control.
(This person should never watch any TV show involving the following: flying superheroes, talking animals or body-switchers. A tin foil hat for this person would also not be out of order.)
Label: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.
Product: Auto-shade Windshield Visor.
(Two things came immediately to mind when I read this. 1. NYS recently eliminated the eye-exam for driver’s license renewals, read: proactive defense and 2. AE’s infamous words: Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure of the former.)
Feel welcome to write-in and add to this list and please, do include your comments! We’ll print the best send-ins in our next post!
Our Operatives: Street smart, tech savvy (and often left head-scratching at what we see in reality.)
As always, be safe.
Filed under: Top Ten Lists | Tagged: ambien, apple, Business, dumb labels, iPod, Vanishing Fabric Marker, Vidal Sassoon, warning labels | 1 Comment »